Time for a change…

It is now 67 days until surgery, not that I’m counting down or anything (but I totally am!) The countdown is officially on, well, it has been, but now the days are limiting and I can’t be more excited. It is nerve racking to thinking about, although, because the face I was born with 23 years ago will be changed and it is hard to picture it. However, I am looking forward to the outcome and how much of a better life I will have once I am done with surgery and all healed.

I have been busy with school and doctor appointments for the past few weeks, which has been taking a toll on me mentally. My depression and mental health have been a struggle. I haven’t been in the right frame of mind. My nightmares due to PTSD have started to reoccur and it causes me to lose a lot of sleep due to the fact that I am afraid to go to sleep. I am on new medicine so hopefully it kicks in and will finally give me the sleep that I desperately need. My friends have been very supportive and have made sure that I am okay.

One night that was unforgettable was seeing “Dancing with the Stars” live on tour! Those who are close to me are aware that “Dancing with the Stars” has been one of my all time favorite shows since it first aired back in 2005. I’ve always wanted to go see them on tour and when I found out they were going back out on tour in September, I checked the tour dates and sure enough they were coming to Cincinnati! I bought the tickets back in September, six months before they were coming to Cincinnati! One cool part about the DWTS tour is that when they are having the T.V. show, they will choose celebrities who were the fan favorites of the season to go on tour with the original cast. When the cast of the tour was announced, it wouldn’t be until the end of the season until it was announced who would be the celebrities to join them on tour. Once the season ended, it was announced that Grocery Store Joe Amabile would be heading on tour! I’ve been asked many times about who grocery store Joe is. Those who are close to me know that I also love “The Bachelor”,”The Bachelorette”, and “Bachelor in Paradise.” Joe was a contestant on Becca’s season of “The Bachelorette” in 2018. When I heard he was to be on DWTS, I was a little concerned because he dances as if he has two left feet, yet he still made it to the semi-finals! When I went to see DWTS on tour, I was so excited and couldn’t believe that I was in the same room with such amazing dancers, and Joe! That night was perfect and gave me the opportunity to get my mind off of many things. I had an unforgettable night with one of my best friends!

Ever since seeing DWTS on tour, I still haven’t felt like my normal self. I have been more closed off, irritable, and depressed. I haven’t been in the best headspace and it has been weighing heavily on me and has even affected people around me. I have thought things over in my head and keep telling myself, “It’s 2019, it’s time for you (myself) to make a difference and change.” With my jaw surgery coming up, I’ve been looking forward to it but it has been nerve-racking as it comes near. However, I want to make a change in my life sooner, rather than later.

I decided to get a gym membership! I have gone several times already even though I have only had the membership a week! I have been working out and taking this seriously and I am praying that this will help me with my depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I’ve already noticed a change and when I am at the gym, I’m in a clear headspace, away from all of the chaos that may be going on around me. Being sore is an understatement, however, I know that will soon pass. I am excited to be motivating myself to becoming more fit and healthier. Although, I am having to make some adjustments when at the gym because there are certain exercises that I can’t do due to the risk of me getting hurt. Thankfully, I have over a decade of training with physical therapy so I know what is safe and risky! Although, I do have the tendency to overwork myself, but I am determined and you can’t tell me when to stop, because if you do I probably will keep on going!

My family’s support has been overwhelming in this decision. Many of them were surprised when I told them abbout joining, but I think it will be for the better! They just want me to be as happy and healthy as possible! My goal is to also get as healthy as possible before surgery, because it’s only a little over two months away and I won’t be able to go to the gym for a little while once I have surgery so I want to make sure I’m healthy as can be to ensure a fast and speedy recovery! I plan on updating all of you with my progress every so often starting now until right before surgery so I can’t wait to take you all on this journey with me!